Hi! :) Wala lang.. Magsusulat lang ako ng letter para sayo. Promise, last na 'to. Hmm.. It's been awhile na kasi since we last talked to each other eeh.. Yung usap na.. USAP talaga.. The thing we used to do when we're left alone.. and and.. when we're not studying THE subject. Ayun.. I missed that. Tsaka it's been, siguro, more than a month na since we last saw each other. Haha! Nakabawi na tayo dun sa mga days when we consecutively met. :))
Uhm.. Actually.. I have a purpose for writing you a letter. Hindi wala lang.. Hindi rin dahil namimiss ko lang. There's a particular reason, and that is to tell you a story that you never knew.
Last July 19, 2008.. I met you. Alam mo naman na siguro yung first impression ko sayo diba? Mayabang.. KNOW-IT ALL. Those never changed. :)) Tapos, inis na inis pa ako sayo nun kasi ayaw mo kami pauwiin.. Kahit na super wala naman talagang ginagawa. Nanonood lang ng show na hindi naman ako nakakarelate. And to top it all.. GUTOM NA GUTOM NA AKO NUN. E pag gutom ako.. Either, masungit ako.. wala akong gana.. tahimik.. or di namamansin. Depende sa mood ko before ako magutom. Pero most of the time.. masungit ako.. kaya ayun ang nangyari. And it was indeed a bad first impression. I didn't think talaga na we would be good friends.. and good friends we have been. Naks. :> It was fun hanging out and doing AOG practices with you. It was quite an experience nga eeh.. Lalo na yung fact na.. In my first year in college, I became so attached with "school works" when I SHOULD'VE BEEN HAVING FUN! :)))) Pero no regrets.. I met new people kasi.. and I learned! ;)
Then.. September 13 came.. It was the AOG pageant coronation night at the UE Theatre. Yey, at last! :) It was a special day kasi.. katapusan na ng pagtatrabaho! :)) Pero.. it became significant to me kasi it turned out more than just a coronation night. At the start of the day, I came to UE late.. as usual.. sorry. :)) Tapos when you saw us ni Anshe para utusan.. as usual din.. haha! joke! :)) Sabi mo.. Punta kami sa may UST para kunin yung mga pictures ng nanalo sa Mr. & Ms. Photogenic. Tas tinignan mo ko tas sabi mo.. "Kumain na rin kayo.. Namumula ka na, ibig sabihin gutom ka na." Wow. Observant ka pala! Haha! Pero that made me smile. :) Tapos marami pang certain little gestures that day/night na ginawa mo na nagpangiti sakin. Pero what made me happy the most eh yung hinatid mo ko sa bahay. I know you did it kasi siyempre, it was late na tas babae ako and SIGURO (not sure).. you felt responsible. Pero it really meant a lot. Thank you.]
Tapos.. October 14, Tuesday, birthday ni Kuya.. Around 1:30-2:00pm sa may SFC301.. I forgot what I was doing.. But when I looked outside.. You were there, at the top of the stairs.. looking at me. Then you smiled and waved Hi. You were very calm. That's my best memory of you.
(Siguro by now, you have an idea na about what I've been trying to tell you. Pero anyway, I'll continue my story.)
Then when I looked at my phone, I have a message from you. It consisted of no more than 6 characters..
"psst.."
I don't know why, pero I never deleted that message. Actually, there were A LOT of messages from you that I saved.. and that's why I didn't let you read my inbox.
Then came 2009, and out of all the new year greetings I received, yours meant the most. That first day of 2009, I spent it texting you.. and so now I conclude, my year started out perfectly. :)
January 20.. around 12pm.. I was in front of SFC307 and you were walking along the 3rd floor corridor opposite to where I was. Kasama ko si Xy nun and we called you to say Hi. Pero late ka na nun kaya you were in a hurry and continued walking.. Then as you were about to go up the stairs, Xy shouted.. "I love you daw!". But you didn't hear it.. Thank God, you didn't.
January 30.. That was the day I almost lost my phone. I left it somewhere I can't remember. Sa girl's room yata kasi dun ako nagchange ng PE uniform. I went histerical. But then I read your text messages. Those messages made me feel, BUTI NALANG NAWALA.
February 13.. Do I still need to make kwento? Ano lang.. We were together like almost the whole day.. and it was the day before Valentine's day. Need I say more? So yeah.. NEXT! (I feel awkward about telling you what happened this day.)
April 1.. HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY! :D Remember what I did? When "Mom" texted everyone that I was admitted in the hospital because of an 'accident'? YEAH, YEAH. MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. Gosh, I could still hear you mocking me about that in my head right now. Anyway, it was reaaaally a bad joke and I got everyone so worried. *evil laugh* But one stood out of the rest of them. He was the only one who wanted to visit me right away. (Well, atleast that was what he said.) I really didn't want to believe him. Pero sobrang natuwa ako.
June 19, Friday. Siguro that was when I cried my 2ND hardest. (It used to be my first.) Without you asking me, heck, without even trying.. Nag-open up ako sayo in an instant. And also instantly, tears came rushing down my face. You? You became someone I never had. And the time you put my head on your chest, I CRIED EVEN MORE. You made me feel special. You showed me how it's like to have someone who really cares. That time, I felt warm.. and peaceful. And then.. Everything's okay. And the pain, it wasn't there anymore. That's how powerful you are to me.
Tsk. What's with you ba? Up until now, I can't understand why I feel so at ease with you. Nasasabi ko sayo yung mga bagay na.. I don't usually tell others. Na I DON'T TELL OTHERS. Yung one minute, I feel like I'm at the bottom of everyone else and that the whole world is on my shoulders, then suddenly, with just a touch from you, with just your simplest and littlest gesture.. lahat ng sakit biglang nawawala. Ang daya mo lang talaga.
And then.. the whole month of August. That was my best month with you.
When we watched "Up", and I spilled chocolate dip on you. I kept apologizing. (I still feel sorry right now for that.) And siguro you got tired of hearing me say sorry kaya you said..
"Alam mo kung bakit ka ganyan? Kasi mahal mo ko."
I didn't respond to that. Akala ko nga, nagets mo na eeh. Kasi diba? Silence means yes. (Well, fine. Most of the time. I just remembered that we had an argue about this dati.)
Tapos, we went to Ersao. And in the middle of our weird conversation, you paused.. and then you said something I couldn't forget.
"I'm dazzled by looking at you.. because you're my favorite sister.. you're beautiful.. and.."
PAUSE. Hindi mo tinuloy. And I didn't ask you what it was. Siguro, I was too scared. Pero that time, I was SOOO close into telling you the truth. But instead, I said..
"Kuya, you're my bestfriend."
I choked. I'm glad I did.
August 29.. My first visit to MOA. I know it wasn't a date. But if it was.. Then you made my dream date come true. Sitting by the sea, watching the sun set, and fireworks lighting up the night sky. That day is my best memory of us.
September 11.. I asked if you were available for lunch. You were. And so is Ate Kitel. It served as a reality check for me. Thank you.
September 13.. I said "I love you" to Jay for the first time.
It's the same day last year when I fell for you.
Yes, Kuya. Mahal kita. Yun yung dahilan kung bakit ko sinabi nung nasa MOA tayo na I'll always choose you over Jay. Yun yung dahilan why I've always been happy when I'm with you.
Now that I've said it.. Now that you know the truth.. I only wish for one thing to happen. I wish to see you never.
Siguro rin kaya I found the strength to tell you what I feel e kasi alam kong malabo nang magkita tayo ulit. Mas madali yun. Mas magiging madali ang lahat kung yun yung mangyayari. I just want to be able to live my life the way I did before. Without the guilt. Para rin kay Jay.
Salamat, Kuya. You have been very good to me. You have done so much for me. And for exactly 1 year and 4 months of knowing each other, I could safely say that you knew me better than most people. You understood me better than anyone. Thank you for being patient with me. Sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa lahat. I can't even find the most appropriate words to describe and to specify the things you've done to me.. the things you've done for me. I just can't thank you enough. You made me a better person, Bro.
This message serves as my goodbye letter to you. I really hope I won't see you again. I don't want to be pulled back to that same spot again. I'm moving on with my life and I'm being the adult you've always wanted me to be. Wag ka mag-alala, lagi kong tatandaan lahat ng bilin mo. I'll be a good girl. I'll behave, I promise.
Marami pa akong gustong sabihin sayo.. Sobrang dami. Pero hindi ako matatapos dito kung lahat sasabihin ko. I guess I just have to hold it in. And if ever hindi ko makayanan na itago, I'll just write it again in a form of a letter. Pero this time, it won't be able to reach you.
I just lost a great friend and one hell of a brother right now.
Salamat, Kuya. Mag-iingat ka palagi. Goodluck sa lahat ng gagawin mo and God bless you. Wag mong kalimutan ngumiti aah? Babay and baboy.
♥ Bata
